Sunday

*** Missions Computer Seminar ***



*** Missions Computer Seminar ***






INTRODUCTION:


1. Name, where from, what you are doing, family (optional)

- - 1 minute - -

2. Heart Attack - Yikes!!!

3. My computer history.

4. 70 hrs./wk.

5. This seminar is mostly for people you work with.

6. What is a computer?




*************************************




A UNC freshman opened a box
of animal crackers and spread
them all over her desk.

"What are you doing?" her room-
mate asked.

"Well it says you can't eat them
if the seal is broken," she ex-
plained. "So, I'm looking for the seal."




*************************************


I - What Are Blogs -



1. Web Logs

A. Communicate



B. Comments




2. Blogs are good for teachers, missionaries, pastors, etc.




3. Show your interest in your blog: golf, college, family, work, etc.




4. Tell about your ministry, interest, family, family history & more...




5. Differences/similarities to websites.




6. Growing 1/sec.




7. Countries where blogs are prominent.




8. How to setup

A. Open Yahoo account first




B. Blogspot second: www.blogger.com




9. Should you remain anonymous???






Check Out These Blogs:

http://notgarbage.typepad.com/
http://promoting-your-own-blog.blogspot.com/
http://howdyhumor.blogspot.com/
http://enewspaper.blogspot.com/
http://whoami1234567.blogspot.com/
http://thoughtnhumor.blogspot.com/

***************************

A UNC grad had been missing from work for over
a week when finally someone noticed and called the
cops. They went round to his flat and broke the door
down. They found him near death* in the still running
shower with an empty bottle of shampoo next to him.
Apparently he'd been washing his hair. The instructions
on the bottle said:

Wet hair
Apply shampoo
Lather
Rinse
Repeat

***************************



Please continue to send me "Thought and Humor" - it's just what
I need on those days when laughter is the only medicine!!

Teresa Kimrey
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, NC



***************************


Name This Famous Nursery Rhyme




Complications arose during an investigation of dietary
influence; one researcher was unable to assimilate adipose
tissue, and another was unable to consume tissue consisting
chiefly of muscle fiber. By a reciprocal arrangement
between the two researchers, total consumption of the
viands under consideration was achieved, thus leaving
the original container of the viands devoid of contents.



***************************





Blog Readers Snapshot



Num Perc. Country Name

63 66.32% United States
6 6.32% Canada
5 5.26% Spain
4 4.21% Iceland
3 3.16% Italy
2 2.11% Australia
2 2.11% South Africa
2 2.11% Turkey
2 2.11% Israel
2 2.11% Norway
1 1.05% Germany
1 1.05% United Kingdom
1 1.05% Philippines
1 1.05% Indonesia




***************************


II - Blog Apologetics

1. Bible is completely true

A. Inerrant


B. Infallible




2. Jesus is God

A. Gen 1:26 (Whom is He talking with?)

B. Is 9:6

C. Zech 12:10

D. John 1




3. Trinity is true - Mt. 28:19




4. Don't major in the minors...

A. Example: baptism mode, ecological timetables, etc.


B. Church words: Trinity, Rapture, Christmas, Easter, Bible
(These doctrines are extremely important but the above
words are not found in Scripture).




5. Breakdown Arguments -
(Example: Da Vinci Code - Wrong church history, wrong
view of how we obtained our Bible.)




6. Find fallacies of their argument in love - love the individual
but challenge their views.


A. Catholics


B. Cults


C. Muslims




7. Don't worry - Be Happy. The "Fountainhead of All Wisdom
is on your side.




8. Create a chart showing Jesus vs. other religious figures


A. Who loves you?

B. Forgives you?

C. Who died for you?

D. Trinity - love in eternity past.




9. Internet Safety

A. Anonymous e-mail address?

B. Showing your age, gender & location

C. Danish Cartoons & Salman Rushdie




10. Being P.C.

A. Show black man, beautiful people (there is a danger here - what is
it?)


B. Let Holy Spirit work - Leave out references?


C. Quote Ecclesiastes - (Threat: Would publish w/o my permission:O)




11. Know nothing but Christ crucified - Paul (world's greatest all-time
theologian)


A. Don't try to push YOUR culture - ties, organs, religious jargon,
etc...


B. Keep it simple (Save depth for your articles in "Christianity Today" &
your books.)


C. Keep to pillars of the Faith - not denomination...


D. Is your content true on your blog. www.snopes.com


E. Is your blog glorifying to God? Soli Deo Gloria


1.
Crude jokes


2. Religious & church jokes


3. George Washington & St. Peter jokes...

4. Is nothing sacred to you???




F. Is your blog neat, attractive & attention getter?

Compare:
http://www.drudgereport.com/
http://www.mbusa.com/microsite/slr/index.jsp
http://www.fordvehicles.com/fordgt/home.asp




G. Compare "look" with other blogs.




H. "Soli Deo Gloria"




I. Bible - 1600 years - 40 human writers
(Compare - Other religious books).




J. Don't make disciples of America, a political party,
P.C. folks, denomination but of Jesus.




******************************************


I was going through the internet and came across your webpage and
thought it was interesting to see that there are still people left in the
world with a sense of humour.I love to have fun and at the same time not
over do it. I spend my free time writing poems but am not that good at
jokes but never-the-less appreciate a good one.I am in my final year in
high school and the captain of the school team.My ambitions are to
become a prof player and a civil engineer.I want to study in the U.S
and i think if i have that opportunity i would chose YALE. I haven't
seen your prospectus yet but hope to.Any way i think your web page is
great.
Constance Lewis


******************************************



Two UNC students were driving to Disneyworld.
They came up to a sign that said, "Disney World
Left", so they turned around and went home.



******************************************


The Muslim world watches everything America does -
and often resents our influence. Especially do they
resent the pornography, lewd music, and trashy
films that make their way into Muslim homes.

Well, I resent them too. We know what damage
pornography does to those who consume it, and
it leads to crimes against women and children.
We know that kids are better off in married
families, and we know, from the evidence
coming out of Scandinavia, that same-sex
"marriage" destroys traditional marriage.


MORE!!!


******************************************



Sentimental Riddles




1. In the 1940s, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
a. On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch
c.
Next to the horn

2.
The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was
it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c. Large salt shaker

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors
and milk would freeze, expanding and
pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps!

5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings
when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II?
a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks



******************************************


III - Readership


1. Is anyone reading YOUR blog???


A. Number gauges are helpful but they do differ.


B. Keep it interesting -

(1) Pictures, content, cartoons.


(2) What makes "Rime" or "Life" interesting?




2. Go "blogging"


A. Use info on "personal profile" (it's a link)


(1) movies, books, countries, etc.



(2) schools, political parties, etc.





B. Hit "next button" - Porn warning




C. Place blog e-mail address with footer - signature.
(Include humor, blog address, Bible verse).




D. Collect e-mail addresses.




E. What is spam legally? Techies, legal & actual...






******************************************


Please, please,please don't unsubscribe me! I love your emails, they're my
daily devotion before a hard day at work/school...I've been getting your
emails for about three years, and I wouldn't have it any other way...I've
been
through several rounds of hired howdy hunters, and I'm sorry if they're at
it
again...
Sincerely,
Jonathan Miller

Quality Engineer

Bioengineering Graduate Student
Arizona State University



******************************************


Q: What do you get when you cross a
UNC football player with a groundhog?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.


******************************************




A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the
shelves. "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied:

"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?", to which the lady replied "Yes".

"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing".




******************************************




IV - What To Do With Comments


1. Protect your blog or it will become useless...




2. Answer in love with patience (Gerald, Leila)




3. Be thankful to them - John 20:31




4. Be Humble




5. Your comment may reach 100's.




6. Use referrals - CCC, Chuck Colson, etc.




7. Anonymous? What about friends writing?




8. Computer psychology





******************************************


Hello I just wanted to thank you for your thoughts in an e-mail that I
received from a group mailing. it Truly helped me in a time of pain and
feeling deserted. I hope to hear back from you so that I know that you got
this e-mail. in the thought I am talking about, you talked about the stars
and light pollution and then talked about how we must go through trials to
actually see the light..... I am going through alot right now and needed to
hear what you wrote, I was at the brink of suicide, You saved my
life...thank you ..........Cindi


******************************************


DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE UNC GRAD WHO:


*Sent a fax with a stamp on it.
*Thought a quarterback was a refund.
*Tripped over the cordless phone.
*Spoke her mind & became speechless.
*Heard that 90% of all crimes were committed around the home & moved.
*Couldn't figure out that an AM radio may be used at night.
*Stared at the frozen orange juice because it said "concentrate"
*Thought Taco Bell was a Mexican Phone Company.



******************************************


I did actually take the time to read your entire e-mail,
which I thought was terribly amusing. I admire your
wordplay and eloquence of language.

Saskia (Oxford U.)



******************************************


V - Yahoo Groups


1. Your helpful enemy.




2. Collect e-mail address here.




3. Easy to unsubscribe - Limit responses to general list but not to you.
Learn to delete...




4. Stay anonymous?




5. Homes Bryant comment vs. Great Commission vs. Brother Andrew
vs. Geeks...







******************************************

I have subscribed to your "thought and humor" e-gazette for probably close
to
2 years now. I am an NCSU student and faithful anti-Tarheel :-D I was born
and bred a duke fan, go to school as a member of the pack, can't get much
more anti-Carolina than that! I have enjoyed reading your articles for they
have always brought a smile to my face. Including your April Fool's joke
about discontinuing your weekly e-mails. This past weeks e-mail was
particularly enjoyable for me because of one of the pictures that was in the
letter. That is a picture of Concord United Methodist Church in McDowell
County
, North Carolina
where I spent the first 18 years of my life learning
about the God that you and I both love. By the way, I'm an Aerospace
Engineering and High School Mathematical Education student. I hope to use
the two degrees to make high school edu more real to life. Anyway I just
thought it was so cool to see something from my home (approx 240 miles west
of here) in your e-mails. I hope to enjoy future reading.

Michael Andrews


******************************************


Shin: a device for finding
furniture in the dark.


******************************************


I enjoy reading your humorous letters. I
look forward to receiving them also in the
future. With wishes for success,
Sol K.
Department of Chemistry
Technion-Israel Institute of Technology
Haifa, Israel



******************************************



VI - Who Should Blog


1. Anyone who has something to share - one who has
an interest, city, school...




2.
Keep it spiritual but not religious. Use links to other
Christian sites (Fort Mill preacher).




3. Use safety - Ellie's blog.




***************************************


A UNC grad had been missing from work for over
a week when finally someone noticed and called the
cops. They went round to his flat and broke the door
down. They found him near death in the still running
shower with an empty bottle of shampoo next to him.
Apparently he'd been washing his hair. The instructions
on the bottle said:

Wet hair
Apply shampoo
Lather
Rinse
Repeat



***************************************


I have no idea how I first ended up on your mailing list but
I am sure glad you reached me!
I would like to continue receiving your messages, so please
sign me up on the new(?) list.
Keep up the humor and the good work!

Best regards
Karina L.,MD,PhD student
Dept.of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Lund University Hospital
Center for Stem Cell Biology and Cell Therapy, Lund University
Sweden


***************************************



VII - Where are blogs popular?



1. Not limited to but including Portugal, Brazil, Singapore, Thailand,
Malaysia and USA.




2. What about 50,000 censors? N.K.? East Asia? Saudi Arabia, Iran???




3. You're reaching future leaders -


A. Age - Typically under 40.


B. Education & Intelligence




***************************************


I DO NOT want to be PHASED OUT of receiving such a delightful
publication. I enjoy both your clever antics and eloquence of language.
The jokes aren't bad either! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE--DO NOT
TAKE ME OFF THE MAILING LIST. You have become a good
friend and break from the stress of college.
Keep up the good work.
MM (Loyno)


***************************************


At the police station, a UNC grad named Bubba explained to the police
officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time when my cousin
Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted. "From what I
remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"



***************************************


Blog Readers Snapshot



Num Perc. Country Name

37 39.78% United States
20 21.51% Australia
8 8.60% Sweden
5 5.38% Germany
5 5.38% Latvia
5 5.38% Netherlands
2 2.15% Singapore
2 2.15% Zimbabwe
2 2.15% Spain
2 2.15% Saudi Arabia
2 2.15% Israel
2 2.15% Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
1 1.08% United Kingdom




***************************************



VIII - Spiritual Opportunities & Dangers




1. Porn Warning - Have a spouse with you or a spiritual superior.




2. Very wide audience - anyone on internet. Blog treated same as
website by search engines.




3. Unchurched - reach those unable to be reached by traditional
missionary/church means.




4. Reach: Unchurched, inter-city, Germany, France, England, other religions.




****************************************************


We want to inform you that we are interested to obtain Though
and Humor in the case that you can send it us f r e e . We do
not want to be unsubscribed. Send us Though and Humor free
on my e-mail university address:
kss@_____.sk.

We can give it in our library for students. Thank you
very much for your kindness. Greetings. Prof. K.



****************************************************



Weekend Party Quiz



1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user
doesn't see it. What is it?

2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born
in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How
is this possible?

3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain
on Earth?

4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in
the summer. How is this possible?

5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories.
Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against
a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers he
defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was
presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To Captain Bragg for
Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion
8."
Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect anyone
to believe that yarn, do you?" What's wrong with the story?

6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or
politics, agree is between heaven and earth?

7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?

8. A woman from New York married ten different men from that city,
yet she did not break any laws. None of these men died, and she
never divorced. How was this possible?

9. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American
dollar bills?

10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?

11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make
one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.

12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never
eat a penguin's egg. Why not?

13. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or
"The yolk of the egg is white"?

14. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man
with a wooden leg. Why not?

15. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission
to the International Home Show. One of them was the father of the other's
son. How could this be possible?

16. After the new Canon Law that took effect on November 27, 1983,
would a Roman Catholic man be allowed to marry his widow's sister?

17. How many outs are there in an inning?

18. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the Ark?

19. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh?

20. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?



****************************************************


Dear Friends,

As for God, His way is perfect;
the Word of the Lord is flawless.
He is a shield for all who take
refuge in Him.

Sincerely,
David

18P30



****************************************************


Blog Readers Snapshot


Num Perc. Country Name
42 42.86% United States
6 6.12% Poland
5 5.10% Japan
5 5.10% Germany
4 4.08% Austria
4 4.08% Hong Kong
4 4.08% Mexico
4 4.08% Philippines
4 4.08% Sweden
4 4.08% India
4 4.08% Belgium
3 3.06% Italy
2 2.04% Australia
2 2.04% Israel
2 2.04% Canada
1 1.02% Portugal
1 1.02% United Kingdom
1 1.02% Switzerland




****************************************************



IX - Who will be your online enemy?



1. Techies




2. Friends, relatives, church members, those in your organization & other
Christians who don't share your vision/passion.





3. Letters from:






*************************************************



Dear Sir or Ms:
As to your questions, I live in ______, Oregon, USA.
I don't forward your Thought and Humor as I copy them
and place them in a 3-ring notebook. Then I take this
notebook to my camping, gold panning, 8-mile roadside
clean-up campaigns followed by a potluck, 3 days, 2 nights,
geology tours, fishing, boating, etc., along with other stories
and jokes placed in that notebook. Everyone seems to enjoy
reading my notebook. So thank you very much for your stories,
jokes, etc. and for future ones. Why don't you publish a book
full of your stories and Jokes? Shouldn't I get a no-prize book
if and when you do this? Ha, Ha!
Sincerely,
Ellen




*************************************************



A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After
the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "if you don't
do the following, your husband will surely die."

1. "Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to
work in a good mood."

2."At lunch time make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him
in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.

3."For dinner, fix an especially nice meal and don't burden him
with household chores."

4."Satisfy his every whim."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had
said, she replied " you're going to die."



*************************************************


Today's word power quiz is called "From Hand
to Hand." You and I are connected, one way or
another, with everyone else who lives on earth.
Test your knowledge of interrelationships among
people, places, and things. How many of the
following words do you know?


1. resource (n.) - A: protection. B: urgent claim.
C: beginning or origin. D: available supply.

2. matriarch (n.) - woman who A: has many children. B: rules
a family. C: is of noble birth. D: is energetic.

3. amity (n.) - A: wealth. B: mirth. C: good will. D: a
sharing.

4. catholic (adj.) - A: local. B: energetic. C: devout.
D: universal.



*************************************************


I would like to receive Howdy's Thought and Humor
newsletter at the email below. Thanks for the
opportunity to receive this thought provoking
whimsical newsletter.

Jim M.
Management Research Analyst, Principal
Student Life Assessment Program
Arizona State University

Tempe, AZ



*************************************************



Blog Readers Snapshot



Num Perc. Country Name

49 55.06% United States
7 7.87% Australia
6 6.74% Italy
6 6.74% Taiwan
5 5.62% United Kingdom
5 5.62% French Polynesia
4 4.49% Sweden
2 2.25% Argentina
2 2.25% Colombia
2 2.25% Canada
1 1.12% France

Above numbers give a snapshot of the locations of our
last 100 readers around 7 A.M. today. This will change
completely in the next few minutes. A numerical counter
is shown below.




*************************************************


X - Blogging & The Great Commission


1. Rev. Russ: "I'll go get McDonald's for dinner & go back to my
comfortable Christian 'ignorance' entertaining myself with invented
(and shallow) television drama while the real drama goes untouched.
We desperately need the cross."




2. Mt. 28:18-19




3. Ester 4:14b & Ex 9:16




*************************************************


Assignment:

1) Open a Yahoo address.

2) Open a blog.

3) Write the plan of salvation w/o using any religious words.

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